Courteous Driving

“The Assertive is the creme-de-la-creme of the selfish-driving cars. It doesn’t cost any points to pass every other model and it doesn’t wait for anything, with the possible exception of other Assertives.” says the salesman.

“What happens when two Assertives meet at the same light going in cross-directions?” asks your son.

“They bid for the right to pass first so it all depends on how many points you configure the car for and what your reserves are. If you are in hurry, you post a lot of points and configure the car to bid high.”

“Is it safe?” you ask.

“Oh, of course, the bidding all happens in the blink of an eye and it is completely automated.”

“How much do the points cost?” you ask.

“You shouldn’t think about points, sir, you should think about your son making it to his new middle school class on time.”

“I will worry about the points thank you. What’s the bottom line on the Assertive?”

“50K.”

“Rude,” you say under your breath. “I said my ceiling is 15K, not 50K. Stick to my requirements, or I’m walking.”

The salesman doesn’t look the least bit apologetic.

“Over here we have the Timid. It’s our entry-level model in our line of self-driving cars. It’s completely selfless.”

“Dad, I don’t want a selfless-driving car, they suck. They stop for everything, even squirrels. I will get laughed out of middle school. When the kids with selfish-driving cars come by, they’ll make me look like a wimp. I will never get a girlfriend.”

“Sticking to a budget is more important to me than getting you laid.”

“Dad! You’re embarrassing me.”

“May I suggest the Courteous? You will rule the road over the Timids and you can go into Excuse Me mode if you really need to get anywhere in a hurry.”

“How much do the points cost for that?”

“They are just a little more expensive than the Assertive points, but you can only use so many in a year.”

“How much?”

“You shouldn’t think about the price of points, sir, you should think about getting your son to the hospital as quickly as possible in an emergency.”

“To the hospital? I thought these cars never have an accident.”

“These cars are flawless. I’m just saying if something were ever to come up.”

“How much?”

“A basic model without any add ons is 23K.”

You grumble under your breath. You look at the hopeful eyes of your son. It angers you to go so high over budget but you are a sucker for your kid’s happiness. You cave, “Ok. Let’s go with the Courteous.”

Your son’s face glows, “Yes! Thanks, dad.”

The salesman asks your son, “Will you be driving to other places besides your school?”

“I will drive everywhere from now on.”

The salesman puts his arms around your son’s shoulders and says, “Let’s talk about some of the Intrepid upgrades.”

You are feeling anything but Courteous.

http://www.thetembo.com/clip/?s=feral+cars for a related post, if you enjoyed this one.

I Forgot to Remember

H: Remind me if I forget.

Y: How will I know if you forget?

H: Forget what?

Y: To remind you of what you forgot.

H: How would I know if I forgot?

Y: Because you told me to remind you to remember.

H: To remember what?

Y: Whatever it is that you forgot.

H: How am I supposed to remember what I forgot.

Y: Well, I’m reminding you to remember, just like you told me.

H: I forgot what I told you to remind me of.

Y: You told me to remind you if you forget.

H: Forget what?

Y: You weren’t specific. Forget it.

H: I can’t forget it.

Y: Why not?

H: Because you just reminded me to remember whatever it is that I forgot.

Y: So you remember?

H: Remember what?

Y: Whatever it is that you forgot.

H: How could I forget?

Y: It just happens.

H: What just happens?

Y: I forget.

Rain Drop

a raindrop hits the surface of still water, sometimes a bell-shaped bubble forms like a popped corn standing proud on the water, sometimes it does not, a critical mass is needed.

regardless of whether a bubble is born, the circular ripples of the drop expand outward popping the other bubbles in its path as soon as it reaches them, before its ripples fade back, into the stillness of the water.

The Gift of Giving

Claxons blare and a red siren’s red light circles the room in earnest. The service dispatcher runs to the monitor, checks the screen, and says “Oh, my!” He picks up his microphone, depresses the button, and broadcasts, “We have a Christmas emergency over on Clayton Street. We still have a few hours before Christmas. Do I have a host that can run over there immediately?”

“What’s the nature of the emergency?” answers back an idle host.

“An old man writing down the ROI of his Christmas gifts.”

“Oh, my! What’s wrong with all these old men? I got this. I’m on my way. What’s his twenty?”

Continue reading “The Gift of Giving”